Cave Pig

Premise
In a world where men live in caves, and dinosaurs roam the Earth, one brave pet piglet must overcome his small stature and his fear of spiders to save his master and the female pig he loves.

This is a live-action kids movie. Imagine the different profit streams. Cave Pig action figures, lunchboxes, maybe a Saturday morning cartoon.

Setup
The prehistoric world is a cruel, dark place. The men are dirty, the women are dirtier, and there are fucking dinosaurs! Oh, and speaking of women, did I mention they don't shave their pits? Ewwww, disgusting!!!

But amidst all the grittiness, there's one bright spot: a little pink piglet named Piggerton who lives with a family of gruff but lovable cave people who sit around the campfire and fart a lot.

The dad - played by John Goodman - is a hunter. And whenever he goes out on a hunt, he always brings along Piggerton, much to the dismay of his wife - played by John Goodman in a fat suit.

"That pig'll just slow you down!" she screams, but the old man pretends not to hear her.

One day, while the dad and Piggerton are several miles from home, a caveman from a neighboring tribe - played by John Goodman in a wig - sneaks up from behind and hits him in the head. Then he drags the unconscious body to his own camp and imprisons him. (Not sure why exactly, but we need something to get the plot going.)

Piggerton runs and hides in the bushes, and then follows the men through the forest.

Action
Outside the new tribe's camp, Piggerton goes through a series of misadventures trying to bust the old man out. He has to sneak around a lot and get into little pig misadventures, like walking through the mud. And get this. Piggerton hates mud. He's actually a neat freak.

Piggerton spies on the tribe and sees that it also has a pet piglet, a beautiful little thing named Pigtonia (played by Piggerton in a wig). He thinks that maybe he can sneak in and charm her and have her help him bust out his master.

Thrilling Conclusion
There's a scene where Piggerton is cornered by a giant-ass prehistoric spider. And he has to make his darkest decision: Does he back away and run home to safety? Or does he overcome his fear to rescue his friend?

He decides upon the latter, and then the spider bites him and he dies alone in the woods. Fade to black on Piggerton's eyes closing, end scene, roll credits. We don't even know what happened to the guy being held captive, but we can assume he's probably eaten or something.

Sure, kids will be crying now, but they'll feel better once we release Cave Pig 2: Son of Piggerton. Then they'll be laughing. And so will we - all the way to the bank.

Oh, wait...if Piggerton has a son, that probably means we need to throw in a graphic sex scene with Pigtonia.