The Devil Wears Hanes

Premise
Okay, you know how The Devil Wears Prada was a big hit among women 18-35, but totally tanked among men of the same age bracket? Well, we can totally counter that by making The Devil Wears Hanes.

The difference is, instead of being set in the glamorous world of high-end fashion, The Devil Wears Hanes is set in the glamorous world of high school physical education.

This movie has it all. Humor. Action. Drama. And fucking ridiculous product placement potential. The spec script was originally called The Devil Wears Tighty Whities, but a) no product tie-ins, and b) it was actually written for the soft-core gay porn market. Devil Cruz was actually signed up to do the movie, but we went with a rewrite anyway.

Setup
Stan Sizeless, a recent college grad, gets a job teaching PE at the local high school. But when he shows up and meets Levi MacGruder, a take-no-prisoners PE coach wearing ridiculously short shorts and Hanes T-shirts, he realizes that life as a first-year PE teacher is pure hell.

Action
When Stan shows up, Levi immediately assigns him to the worst jobs: Ball cleanup, mat disinfecting and vomit patrol. There's also a hilarious scene where a fat kid manages to climb to the top of a rope but can't get down, and when Stan goes over to help him, the fat kid falls and Stan's head gets wedged up his ass. That sounds unrealistic on paper, but with a little CGI, it'll be awesome.

But Stan wants more. He didn't get into PE to do the grunt work. He got into it to yell at unathletic kids. Stan decides to start doing things his way, and Levi doesn't like it, but tough shit.

"I thought I told you to clean my balls," Levi yells.

"Mr. MacGruder," Stan says. "You can clean your own goddamn balls." Then Stan starts screaming at a girl sitting in the bleachers who didn't dress out because she was on her period.

Thrilling Conclusion
MacGruder has tenure and is in charge of the department, so he fires Stan for that "balls" comment. Stan looks for another job, but no other school will hire him since he was fired from a teaching position.